Shining new ergonomic keyboard

I got a shining new curvy keyboard from Fry's the other day....other week ago. It's only the second keyboard I have ever had in my pc days starting back in the dark ages of 1997 or 1996. I literally had the same keyboard for 10 years. That is ridiculous since that keyboard has had almost everything on the face of the earth dropped on it ranging from dirt to steak juice...the amount of porn I looked up using that keyboard alone would warrant it's destruction after only a few months or even weeks. Sickening, yet impressive that it could last for so long and work very well still, but I threw it away so that I could feel the soft touch of a smoother new age keyboard.

I thought that maybe the purchase of the keyboard would result in more writing coming from my head, but it's had little effect on my literal lethargy. From that new prose, film projects were supposed to sprout and then my take over of the world. Too bad I'm too lazy.

I've been thinking about what does make one happy in life and how most Americans are driven to do something with their lives. I have to admit that I've bought into that for most of my life, but I'm slowly realizing that it doesn't really matter what you do in your life as long as you are okay with it as well as your loved ones because no matter what anyone says they matter because they are your 'loved' ones.

I've been on the Abs Diet for the last couple weeks and I have been feeling very good eating better foods and more meals a day. I haven't felt sluggish or really tired which is great.

Annie moved out or is in the process of doing it. She is going to Dallas to do what she needs to do. That little poopeater, Cheeto, is gone also which leaves Joe alone. I guess he doesn't really seem to care except that he doesn't get to beat him up all day to sap his energy, but I guess I can't really tell what he is thinking.

I enter Unnecessary Sequels trailer competition at the Alamo. My project is Braveheart 2000 which is a combination of Braveheart and Highlander. It should be fun to shoot and definitely stupid.

Out.

101 things to do in Austin...*warning*boring blog

A couple of my friends from LA were here in Austin looking at houses. They are thinking about moving here so one can pursue the live music scene and just for a change in scenery. I was playing host them and I wanted to do my best to show them a good time so they would want to move here.

The first day was house searching with my real estate agent...long, tedious and not very production. Kind of notoriously ass-backwards as well since this was the first time that they had ever been to Austin and they were looking for a house to live her without experiencing the town and finding out whether they even like it or not.

I had a list of the top 101 things to do in Austin. I hadn't done, but maybe 10 of the things on there and all the other stuff I blew off at stupid and not worth my time before this weekend of showing friends around.

So we went down to 6th Street at 7pm...crazy and I showed them EVERYTHING I remembered from all the times I've been down there until 2am. That's a lot of stuff and we drank quite a bit. I discovered that there is quite a bit of entertainment down there that at one point didn't interest me much, but now I probably would enjoy a lot.

The next day I took them to Zilker Park and more of the SOCO area. It was a great, beautiful day and we went canoeing. It was my first time in a canoe and it was cool experience. The balance of the canoe almost bordered on chaotic and I was afraid about tipping in cause I'm so hefty.

Anyways, since this is so boring, the short of it is that I found out there are tons of things to do in Austin that I haven't been tapping into.

Waking up at 9AM is dreadful!

9AM is cold and dreary. My usual congested nostrils and tired bones ail me.

I take a shower to wake myself as I am still mostly asleep. I step into the shower...it's a hot shower, but cold air leaks in and the initial spray chills my skin like an impotent shock from diving into a cool pool.

Another shocks befalls me when I stick my unwetted toothbrush with paste into my unknowing mouth. It's dreadful like chewing on some dry, yet gooey goo with a pudgent taste like toothpaste...nothing to really describe toothpaste other then toothpaste...what a horrid invention.

I recall the dream...stranded on a desert island with my girlfriend and the feeling of hopelessness...a prehistoric alligator terrifies us and runs us up a metal lookout platform...then I spy that the mainland is just to our right.

Joe's Day 1 - I pooped, but it didn't hit the ground

I'm Joe the Jerk...a ridiculously handsome full blooded german shepherd. My gay lover at the moment is Cheeto, half-breed smelly, poop eater.

Today, I ate a bowl full of my delicious dog food. Processed through my ridiculously fast digestive system within minutes, maybe seconds I need to take a poo.

So I went to poo and I feel the first piece coming out. Its almost out...ahh there is goes. I turn to see my fresh deposit and nothing. Where'd it go?

I look a little confused until I see Cheeto chewing with a glorious smile on his face.

Yes, Cheeto ate poopped right out of my butt...it didn't even hit the ground. Hence, the poopeater was born.

Talk to the Blog, Cuz the face ain't talking

I don't think of myself as a passive aggressive person, but I think that a blog would be an interesting gateway for a little passive aggressive communication.

A lot of people probably use a blog as a way to vent among other things, so if someone put up all there problems on the internet for everyone to see they could tell the people that they have problems with to go "Read my blog."

Problems at work...read my blog.
Friends, loved ones, parents...go read my blog.
Random people you meet...go read my blog...I guess that would be more of an introduction tool then.

The "read my blog" retort would probably not really solve anything, but rather make situations worse because how would the blog reader respond to the "blog" complaint.

Respond online and get in a childish, technonerdic internet argument?

Or do you confront the blogger mano-a-mano and let them know that you wasted your time reading their blog and let them know you got to it. Their response to you response may just be to "read my blog" later.

But if you don't respond then you may become the passive agressive smuck who bottles it up and lets it get to you.

So the "read my blog" retort maybe a good response to someone annoying you because it would pose all these problems to them? So we can all agree "read my blog" is a first rate slight provided you right something about the person you said it to.

And if you don't agree with me then "read my blog" and/or respond in the comment box below.

There's a Gay Man in the Locker Room and he's looking at me...

An ex-NBA player came out that he was gay a few days ago and was received with open arms until another ex player bashed him saying he hates gay people especially team members and sited the locker room situation.

My first reaction is that he is a close-minded bastard because "I love the gays," but I started to think about one point.

It does seem kinda of a conundrum since separate locker/bathrooms are a necessity for privacy and a buffer against any unwanted, perverse glances from the devious.

It unfair for a man who likes men to be able to ogle all the goodies in such an intimate setting. The same situation for women is unfair as well albeit nice to imagine.

I'm not against homosexuals using the same locker room as the ones they are attracted to because I'm scared of having my treasures visually looted. It's more because of the fact they get to see the booty and its not illegal or socially taboo.

So there aren't very many humane solutions to this situation and Homosexual only bathrooms are inherently flawed. Maybe there should be sexual preference bathrooms where you go into the bathroom of the sex you are not attracted to...actually that doesn't work either because straight guy will still ogle lesbians and the same on the other side.

Individual changing areas...doesn't really have the efficiency of a locker room.

The best solution came from the trusted reliable source of my little brother who said with a big smile on his face that only a co-ed bathroom would work. With a co-ed bathroom then no one is free from the hair-on-back-of-your-neck raising, cold touch of the stares of the lustful. Sounds like a good idea to me...at least this way the perpetrators can receive counter stares of disgust.

That Bitch in the Cereal Aisle...

I go on different binges at different points. Cereal is one of my more notorious binges where I go months or maybe weeks eating excessive amounts of cereal. This usually makes up for all the months or years I go without eating any cereal.

So my favorite cereal is Life: Cinnamon Swirls and I've already been through one box during this binge. Late last night we were at HEB and I was going to restock.

Location: Cereal Aisle...Life: Cinnamon Swirls...no where to be found. There is a whole big stack of Life regular but a big empty part of the shelf next to it. I leave disappointed...but then I return and look at unopened cartons of cereal on top of the shelf.

I ask an HEB employee if she knows where there may be some Life: Cinnamon. She glances at the shelf and instead of saying,"Oh, we must be out...there is a truck coming (whenever)" or anything other common response she says,"Oh, I think they maybe discontinuing that cereal."

Silence. WTF.

"Really?" I ask as if it is a joke.

"Yeah, they discontinue cereals all the time," she replies.

"Bitch!" I exclaim...in my head. "Really?"

"Yeah," and she goes about her business.

Doesn't she realize the horrid magnitude of the statement she has just utterred.

"Could I open some of these cartons on top of the shelves?" I insisted.

She resists.

I insist. Resist-insist waves bounce back and forth but I don't back down and the lady goes and get a brut to take down the box so I can see.

Of course the box is NOT my sweet, sweet Cinnamon Life.

I leave the store shattered that something I cherished so much has been thrown to the dogs of discontinuence. Only if I could have tasted it more times since my last binge. Why the wretched irony of the extinction of my cereal during my cereal binge of all times?!?

THOU HAFT NO FURY LIKE THE FURY OF A CEREALESS CEREAL BINGER!

That bitch.

So she wasn't really a bitch just a lady doing her job and not understanding the graveness of my plight. If anything I villified her for her ignorance or rather apathy.

After calming down, I was reassured that the store was probably just out of Cinnamon Life. My reaction was in part to the fact that another store had been out of my crispy goodness as well.

I did research on the internet to see if this atrocious rumor had any validity and came up with nothing...only an old blurb about a bastard sibling of Cinnamon Life that was quickly aborted in '78.

So I am fairly certain my Cinnamon is out there waiting for me because if you can't find it on the internet it isn't real, right?

Small Plethara of Paintballs

I want to shoot a lot of paintballs this year...maybe I should set a target goal. How about 10,000? That is only 5 cases which is only like 5 times out playing. 5 x $40 = $200 for that goal. 10,000 isn't that many in paintball terms. A plethara would be more like 100,000 paintballs.

Wow, 100,000 paintballs flying through the air.

Pop goes my cherry!

I'm watching High Stakes Poker on TV at 1am. It's silly that people can sit around and watch people play poker. As if playing a card game in itself is all the fun to begin with, but watching other people, who you don't even know, play is almost madness.

I used to like playing poker a lot, but that was always with friends. It's the banter and ragging that made the game fun and that why I paid. After dabbling in a couple "pick-up" poker games with people I didn't know, the game lost its luster. The seriousness of gambling for money against strangers who have your same intention of winning isn't fun.

I guess a competitive person can get passed that real quick and realize that it's just a game and there are winners and losers. They can play for the "W" and the money is secondary. I always saw it as a catch-22 that I had a competitive nature that was very competitive right up to just before the point of "W" and then it trails off into oblivion and usually a loss. I don't know where my lack of finishing, sealing the deal, signing on the dotted line, manning up, gametime, clutch came from, but it's been annoying.

There are a few very important things that I have came through on though.